Energy and Choice in a D/s Relationship
1 It continues with a series of deliberate choices
2 The ability to choose is what makes it sacred.
“I am Lord Master Sir Dom Alpha Sadistic Male of the Fucking Universe, bow down and submit to me” – said no true Dominant ever. What would be the reaction of a strong, independent, sane submissive woman? Perhaps I’m guessing, but I HOPE the answer would be along the lines of “Get away from me you fucking weak jerk asshole pretender, and take your limp cape and flapping dick along with you”. My words are less than poetic, but they make the point. No self-respecting submissive would bow to this, and no honorable Dom would resort to this. The relationship between a submissive and a Dominant begins with energy. It may not be but a spark at first, but it is energy. At a deep level there is an intuitive attraction. I suppose it could be similar to how one falls in love. Sometimes you just know this is ONLY going to be friends.. but sometimes.. with a bit of conversation.. you know it COULD be more. Every good D/s relationship begins with conversation and I believe a good amount of it. It may be subtle, or it may be mind blowing, but conversation is essential. Case in point: Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara-not an immediate submission but the energy was palpable. Lots of conversation and tension before any real understanding of their mutual kinks was understood. (Who among us doesn’t believe THAT was a real kinky couple?).
Seriously, there does have to be energy- but not just energy. I have debated this point because I don’t believe “energy” is all there is to it. Some submissives I have had the honor to discuss this with have a sense that one overpowering Dominant will someday arrive and by sheer presence drive them to their knees. I believe this is possible- for a scene, for a night, for a weekend, perhaps longer – but not for an enduring real time 24/7 relationship. At some point the submissive has to remove her makeup, the Dom will undoubtedly reveal his kryptonite and the whole relationship founded on “energy” will face a crisis point. I don’t write this lightly. I am a devotee to energy. I am, however, mature enough to know that even God has his moments when his followers convert on energy but fade on reality. As a Dom, and a responsible one, I know that moment is coming. No matter how magical and profound the energy, or how quickly she adoringly goes face down and ass up… at some point I will be just a naked man and she will be just a naked woman, one of us will fart, and all the energy in the world won’t bridge that point without us making a choice – a decision. Every enduring relationship between intelligent sane consensual adults-at some point- becomes a matter of decision more than a matter of energy. Again, case in point, in spite of ALL the energy, Rhett finally does decide enough is enough. Scarlett refuses to submit, and the southern Dom decides – in spite of energy- that frankly, he doesn’t give a damn.
I think that moment of decision is crucial. It is for Rhett and Scarlett, and it is for all of us who ache for a long term D/s relationship. We will all face that moment when Dominance is not automatic or romantic.. or even fun.. but it is a responsibility to which we have committed ourselves. Will we fight-when “energy” fades – to honorably to find the way forward? Will the submissive choose when she is tired and uninspired to be honorably obedient? It is a moment by moment decision. It is not easy. It requires a LOAD of communication and trust and respect- and patience and forgiveness. NO ONE said D/s was the easy way, only… properly done… the most rewarding.
I know, as a Dominant, that I crave and flood with joy and pride in that moment when a submissive woman kneels and offers her surrender to me in that first blush of power. I also know that the more important and sublime moments are each moment after that… every moment in the “real” life when she chooses to submit to a Dominant who has, by time and wear, become more “real”. It is the moment by moment choice of surrender that is most important to a Dominant. I only hope that she understands that my moment by moment choice to accept her submission is also a more precious gift than that first powerful rush of energy when I accepted her. Energy is crucial, of course, to any power exchange relationship. Energy is a beginning, but what sustains the power exchange is a moment by moment decision. Those self-aware moments of decision are what make this lifestyle safe, sane and consensual. Those decisions that follow the energy are what move fetish toward something more sacred. They move D/s toward love.
Play hard and love well,
cc. Dominant State of Mind
credit for photograph unknown.